bigtips
I'm clean and sober now, can I get my honey back?
by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone
Dear Big Tipper,
I really need some advice or direction. Three years ago I met the man of my dreams. He was (and still is) my soul mate, but we broke up
last June because of my drug problem.
I put him through a lot, but I always believed him when he said, "Nothing separate
will
us.
Well, drugs did.
It took me a long time to deal with being without him. I tried to end my life twice. I went out of state, but
wrecked my car and had to
come home. And I screwed
over a lot of people that used
to care about me.
Dear Big Tipper,
I was riding around town one day last month, off my usual beaten path. I was in the vicinity of a place where some old friends used to live, so I decided to swing by, just to see what was up.
I could see through the window that there were people home, but I couldn't
0
BIG TIPS
Anyway, I've gotten myself together— the drugs are no longer a part of my life. I have a beautiful apartment that I'm spending a lot of time and money on to be comfortable.
And I'm starting to make new friends. But whenever I go to a bar and see my ex, I getsad and I have to leave. I still love him with everything in me, and I'm still holding onto the hope that we will be together again.
I just don't know what to do. Do I call him and invite him out to dinner? Should I just wait for him to get a hold of me? Or should I just keep trying to forget about him, and start dating others?
Dear Exphile,
The Ex-Factor
Sweetie, it must have taken a lot of anger and despair for your lover to finally leave you: it should take a ton of evidence to woo him back. If you've seen him, he's seen you and knows you're back in town, but since you have different friends now, news (gossip) of your recovery may not be moving through the right grapevine to get to him.
Definitely call him. Invite him to dinner to somewhere neutral (not your place: too much pressure), and just catch up with him, and let him know that you're clean, and that you miss him. And then, if he's game, date him. He needs to know a different side of you, and needs to see if he can trust you.
People take different amounts of time to get over breakups. Your ex has had more time to get over your relationship, since he was the one who had to get to a breaking point to do it, and since you have had so much other drama to focus on since you've separated. He may already have moved on, and you may be left to decide whether or not to just have a friendship.
No matter what type of relationship you are able to salvage with him, you've got a whole lot of wooing to do. Good luck, hon.
BREWMASTER'S HOUSI
Where Theorie Br
tell if it was my friends or not, and I didn't go up and knock because I wasn't sure if they still lived there, so I just rode back and forth in front of the house for a little while, then continued on my merry way.
Well the very next evening, who showed up at a wedding I was working at? My friends. (I thought that was an easy one.) They told me they had been thinking of me recently, then saw me through their window, but by the time they were pretty sure it was me, I was gone. We chatted for a while, and it was nice to catch up with old friends. Cut to the next nice day, a week or so later. I was almost done with my ride, and found myself near "John's" house. I hadn't seen him for months, so I passed by his house three times, then went home. I mean, if I have the power to make people reappear in my life, it might as well be someone I want to see (naked).
Of course, the very next day he showed up at my pool; cute as ever, might I say. He was very friendly, and we chatted for a while, but he still didn't invite me to actually come inside our house. (I consider that we live together he just lives inside and I live outside.)
Anyhoo, I asked about his social life and he said he had been on a few dates, but hadn't found the right woman yet. I had to bite my tongue at that one-I would rather have bitten his tongue, but that's for another time.
I didn't press any further at the time, because every time in the past I had suggested we get together he has not responded always busy at work or washing his hair, either of which I'd be more than happy to help him out with.
So my question to you is, what do I do next? 1. Call him and suggest we get (sweaty) (together) sometime? 2. Wait until I run into him again (remember, it had been months), then pursue? 3. Put a stronger spell on him, perhaps peeing in the corners of his/our yard? 4) Forget about him--he's obviously not interested in me? 5. Continue mowing our lawn and feeding our dog, satisfied with what we have? 6. Something completely different?
Stalking Stuffer
Dear Jack and the Been Stalked, Number 4.
Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216631-1052, or e-mail to martone @drizzle.com.
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April 23, 1999 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE
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